Silence
by WindlessHarmony
Summary: It's the only thing that keeps him sane, helps him focus on something to do. Keeps him grounded, because without it, he might float into pieces and be lost in the wind, destroyed, tattered. RenShuu. Now with Renji's POV.
1. Shuuhei

That piano has been his life ever since he was forgotten. It's the only thing that keeps him sane, helps him focus on something to do. Keeps him grounded, because without it, he might float into pieces and be lost in the wind, destroyed, tattered. As his fingers glide across keys, toning out sounds and melodies, he's soothed into thinking that those times are real once more, and that he once held value, value that made him strong and gave him a purpose.

Those memories assault him, and he's left aching when he can no longer play anymore, and passes out against the wood, taking in the ancient scent that does nothing to make him feel better.

In those memories, those dreams that seem so vivid, he sees a redhead, smiling, laughing, having fun, but not with him. No, that redhead is at the side of another man in these memories, a beautifully pale man with long black hair. A prowling grace that would be enough to tempt any person, male or female. And tempting it was, as that redhead is at his side now, fawning over him even when he's not wanted.

They were happy together once too.

Their first time was at the academy in an old classroom. That redhead pinned him against the wall and taught him what it was like to be wanted, needed, _loved._ And it continued throughout those days, nights of passion and days of relaxation, of moments stolen while the world worked around them.

He became a member of division nine, and they were separated for a short while. But then he joined a division too, and the both of them worked until they became fukutaichos. They set goals for each other, laughed when they failed, loved each other at night, celebrated when they won. Cried when they were hurt. That's when he was given the piano, the lovely instrument that he played every single night for the other. Sometimes they used it for other things, but he hardly ever allowed such a thing. The piano was special, something he loved as much as his lover. Adored the gift given to him.

But then he noticed a change in the redhead.

Their nights of passion became less and less, their moments of celebration shorter and shorter, days spent alone, tears cried in silence, failures unnoticed. Goals no longer given to beat, pain welling in a breaking heart, eyes becoming distant.

The first time he avoided the redhead, he felt everything inside of him raise to the surface. He stopped fiddling, he quit going outside, he hid himself away, planning that piano in his house. The first time he avoided the redhead, the other didn't even notice until two days later.

He was questioned about it, but he simply put a smile on his face, one of those broken ones that spoke of nights spent alone, failures piling up, heart breaking, tears cried in silence, goals forgotten, feelings being ripped to shreds. Happiness, taken away.

The redhead told him that they could no longer be, that he was no longer useful to him, that he had someone else who could understand him better. Had someone else who was better at taking away pain, could comfort him better, destroy the demons in his heart. A person who could replace him and the horrible music he had often played.

That night, he wept, tears falling onto the ebony keys of his obsession, his sanity.

That night, he played out his heart, played out the feelings that no one cared about.

That night, he destroyed the only thing that made him Hisagi Shuuhei.

He destroyed himself, head filled with images of a smiling Abarai Renji, standing at a side that was not his own, laughing at a joke that he had not told, giving someone else goals, holding them at night, fixing their broken heart, stealing away their failures, taking away their nights spent alone.

* * *

The sky leaked rain over a scene that was filled with people, all staring at the same point, some with downcast expressions, others with somber feelings of knowing what had happened. But their was no redhead there, no glimpse of fiery hair, of one that had fixed a heart that did not need to be mended.

On the single stone, words were carved upon it, speaking of the volumes that no one had noticed until it was too late. Because feelings did not matter if you were a shinigami.

_Hisagi Shuuhei, 1867-1984  
Friend to everyone  
Died of a broken heart_

For the first time since his betrayal, Abarai Renji cried over the life he had destroyed.

* * *

I was inspired by two different fanfics to write this. Dx Kinda short, and not my best work, but I needed to communicate my feels somehow. And I'm sorry for killing Shuu! /crawls away

This short drabble/fic was written to two different songs from YouTube. /watch?v=UMGl8zWG3H8 [Away] and /watch?v=C9haTFoGcvk [Sparrow]


	2. Renji

He realized too late what he had done.

He'd been blinded by something he called love.

The redhead had been on his way to apologize that night, to say sorry and take the other one into his arms, whisper comforting words to him, make him feel wanted, explain that he was an idiot for leaving him ...

But Renji had been too late; he'd destroyed everything he had ever wanted.

The redhead had found him there, laying against the piano. He thought he had fallen asleep there. Renji placed a smile on his face and pretended that everything was okay. It was anything but.

Shuuhei's blood had seeped into the wood, splattered along the ebony keys in a horrificly beautiful fashion. Kazeshini's hilt was settled on the floor, Shuuhei's arm hanging above it, where he must have dropped it a few moments before. He refused to believe that Shuuhei was really gone; no blade meant no soul. His piano was stained a dark crimson; it destroyed the surface, the beauty that it once held. Renji seen the way that his former lover's body had twisted, the way that he seemed to be resting his eyes for just a moment, that a grey gaze would slide open and reveal tired eyes. And that Renji could carry him to bed and explain things, make everything alright.

But he pressed a hand to Shuuhei's shoulder, shook him, screamed, _pleaded_, fought for some sort of sign that his brunette was still there.

But he was gone, lost in a world that even Renji could not pull him from.

And still, he had not cried, did not shed a tear until Shuuhei was lowered into the ground, free from his words and pain that Renji knew he would inflict.

It was all his fault, always his fault. He couldn't even take care of Shuuhei, couldn't save him. And it was all his fault, for acting like he had fallen in love with his taicho, all because he didn't want to be with the brunette anymore. If he had just explained it, worked through it like a normal person ... then maybe, maybe Shuuhei would still be here, still be here at his side, held in his arms, murmuring words into his ears at night. Because he had been foolish; he didn't love Kuchiki Byakuya. It had been a moment of weakness, and he had given in without a second glance, without even caring what Shuuhei's feelings would be.

And now the brunette was gone.

He had killed himself because of Renji.

His heart was numb at first, but he knew what he needed to do. Renji knew what needed to be done. With a wail, a splash of red even brighter than his hair illuminated by moonlight, he destroyed himself too. The pain was howled into a night that no longer cared, speaking of nights spent alone with the one he loved, saying sorry to the people around him, apologizing for everything that he had done in his lifetime.

And he joined Shuuhei in that world that kept them safe.

* * *

Renji's POV was requested by the wonderful InstinctionOfReality~ You should go check her out; she writes some amazing stories. ^_^ Not very long, because I'm really, really lazy, but I wanted to write this out for her. I let a friend choose whether to kill Renji or keep him alive, and she chose to kill him, so blame her. -hides-


End file.
